First of all, I don't enjoy heights. Secondly, I don't like planes. For some reason, I forgot these two facts. Here is the story of my skydiving adventure.
If you read my Taupo post, you know that we (Chris, Louisa, and I) waited all day on Saturday at Taupo Tandem Skydiving (TTS) for the weather to clear. The whole time that we sat around at the Skydiving hangar, in our suits, anxiously awaiting the weather to clear.
We met Albert, the 50-something-year-old German who was Louisa's Tandem Master. He put his hand on her hip and said, "Arch your body like a banana." Louisa responded, "Oh, I like bananas. I can do this" as she thrust her hips forward. "More" demanded Albert in his harsh accent. Chris and I died in the background. We also like bananas, so we figured we could do it too.
I was so focused on using my mental energy to change the weather that I did not have time to realize what we had actually signed up for. When they called off the rest of the appointments, I was very disappointed and filled with resolve to come back Monday.
 |
Squirrelly, Chippy, and Pikachu |
We woke up to cloudy skies on Monday, which was troublesome. After two time-changes, a nice nordic lady from TTS came and got us in the van. We went back to TTS, where we had wasted all of Saturday, and prepared ourselves to wait some more. The same people helped us suit back up, jumpsuits and harnesses, and prepared us to wait for the next plane. This time was real. But the nerves didn't kick in yet.
I saw on the board that Louisa was with Albert again, Chris with a man named BLANK, and I was with a man named Joel. As soon as we met our Tandem Masters, they were taking us to the plane. And when I say "taking", I literally mean holding the harness and leading us to the plane. Everyone else in our jump was lead to the plane first, and Joel kept me behind until our photographer came. We boarded the plane last. Didn't take me long to realize what that meant: my man Joel and I were to be the FIRST OUT.
(Note: here is where I lose all high school english skills and tell the story in present tense. Its the only way I can tell it, so English-minded folk, my apologies.)
So, here I am, straddling a cushion, squished up against my man Joel. The plane starts down the runway, and my hand finds the wall in front of me, and I begin to hyperventilate. Louisa keeps calling my name, and every time I look back, she gives me the thumbs up and says, "WOOohoo!!" My photographer keeps shoving a camera in my face and giving me the thumbs up as well. In the interest of fond memories, I keep thinking, "Smile! Don't make bad photos!!" So I play along, pretending that I am having a good time, while on the inside I am overwhelmed by fear.
2,000 ft on Joel's altitude watch. "Oh, we are jumping from 1,500ft, so we should be going down soon" I think. WRONG. 15
thousand, NOT 15
hundred. 15,000ft. I seemed to have missed a zero along the way.
10,000 ft - this is where we will be deploying the parachute, Joel tells me."So, what do you study?" I find most people ask me this question under the most awkward, weird circumstances, its just a ploy to distract you but I go along and tell him my love for geology over the howling wind that is so loud I can't hear my voice.
10,000ft- we are 2/3rds of the way there. I am 2/3rds into extreme panic. At this point in the ride, we put on our oxygen masks. Being the cool kid with asthma, I was lucky enough to have spent quality time during recess with something called a Nebulizer, so I had this part covered.
"Will I be able to breath?" Its so loud in the plane, I can barely hear my own voice. "Yes. Don't think about it too much, and if you can't, we will only be in free fall for 70 seconds." Alright, Joel.
Joel let me squeeze his hand for a while, I am sure he could tell by my rigid silence that I was scared for my life. Literally. "Alright, at 15,000 ft, you are going to swing your legs out of the doorway and tuck them on the underside of the plane" Joel says, matter-of-factly. THE UNDERSIDE OF THE PLANE?!? That is never a part of the plane I ever want to be acquainted with. "Once your legs are out, look over your left shoulder for the exit photo. Then put your head back on my shoulder and I will roll you out. keep your hands on your harness until you feel me tap on your shoulders, then let them out to feel the wind, and bend your body like a banana the whole time. Okay?"
Okay, Joel.
Its time, and he pulls me to the door. I can't move. I feel my feet blown to the left by the wind,
hard. Exit photo. Fake smile. Eyes closed. Head on Joel's shoulder. Begin to pray. I feel the plane leave my bum and all I can hold onto is the harness around my chest. When I open my eyes, all I see is the ground, but between it and me, there is clouds. Complete. and. utter. fear.
 |
thought I was going to pass out... |
Another tap on the shoulder and I see Joel pointing ahead of us. I tear my gaze away from the ground and in front of me is my photographer. He looks like a puppet suspended in the clouds, dancing like a clown. I smile and put the thumbs up, remember, good pictures!
 |
why did I agree to this |
 |
make good pictures! |
 |
freaking out off camera |
The next 70 second consist of looking down at the ground, feeling like I am going to die, and looking up at my photographer, and waving and smiling, thumbs up faking it. All I felt was extreme fear. Logically I knew everything was going to be fine, but all logical capacity left when we tumbled out of the plane. There were brief moments throughout when I was overwhelmed by the amazingness of falling through a cloud, especially when I would look up at my photographer. But then the fear would come back. Smile and wave, thumbs up.
5,000 ft - I know we are at this altitude because my feet swing up and I am in a sitting position. This, I can handle. I let out some weird noise, similar to "whoooaa" because Joel asks "Are you okay?". "Y-yyyes." unconvincing. "I hope I wasn't your worst tandem ever" SO AWKWARD why would I say that? Even in extreme fear, I stay true to my tactless-self. The conversation changes to me asking Joel about an area that looks like it has recently suffered a landslide, which he has no idea. Geo-nerd strikes again. The whole descent with the parachute feels like a dream. To one side is the beautiful Lake Taupo with blue sky over it, and to the other side lies a huge thunderhead rolling in from the south. The parachute swings us as we zig-zag toward the ground. When Joel pulsl a cord on the right and we spiral and turn so fast that I feel a little sick but I try not to say anything as I have already embarrassed myself enough. Finally, we plop on the ground and I lie back for a second (on Joel, smooth.), SO happy to have survived.
 |
oh jesus |
 |
NINJA |
 |
sweet relief |
 |
looking out across the land |
15,000ft in less than 4 minutes, with a storm rolling in. They say on clear days you can see both the east and west coasts of the country from that height, but I'll settle for falling through a cloud.
 |
the view |